Blown Whistles, Broken Culture: Why Youth Sports Officials Are Walking Away

Parents, coaches, spectators and even other players are making officiating unsustainable for many refs, umpires and judges

A large proportion of youth sports officials walk away after a short time. Photo credit: Jensen McKey.

Imagine loving a sport so much that you choose to spend your spare time working as a referee or umpire. 

Now imagine walking to your car after working a difficult game only to be accosted by a player’s angry mother, who shouts profanities and splashes you with water.

For many youth sports officials, it's just another day at the office. 

More than 60% of youth sports officials quit because of harassment or abuse from fans, coaches and, above all, parents, according to U.S. Soccer. 

“The number of officials who reach their third year is disgustingly low,” said Grant Gower, a former college athlete who oversees officials for the Oklahoma State Athletics Association. “And unless we work to change the culture within soccer, that will never increase.”

To be clear, the problem isn’t limited to soccer. Referees, umpires, judges and other officiating crews may not be the most popular with fans, but their work enables athletics to be consistent and fair.

Without them, youth sports can’t exist. 

U.S. Youth Soccer and Major League Baseball have implemented policies on abuse toward officials. The youth soccer policy calls for an escalating series of game suspensions, from two games for insulting or taunting a referee to 10 games and six to 24 months away for pushing or throwing something at an official.

The worst offenses can lead to a lifetime ban. 

It’s unclear how often these sanctions are enforced, and it’s up to the referee to stand up to the belligerent fan, parent or coach. This can often be hard to do, especially when the officials are teenagers. 

In Oklahoma, youth sports officials must be older than the players they’re officiating. However, being older doesn’t mean they must be adults. In fact, many youth sports officials aren’t much older than the players on the field or court. 

"I'm going to tell the coach, ‘Hey, deal with them or they leave or I leave.’ And it's very hard for the average 14-year, 15-year-old to do that versus a 40-year-old-woman,” said Megan Stanolis, the state director of soccer officials’ assignments in Oklahoma. 

Youth soccer authorities now issue color-coded badges to under-18 officials, so there’s no question which of them are adults. The badges are supposed to underscore the penalties misbehaving spectators can face. 

“It's super helpful to just remind everyone this is somebody's kid. If this isn't something you would yell across the library or mall to somebody's kid, then you shouldn't say it to them. It's soccer,” Stanolis said.

Gower sees the big picture. Although he said the state has enough officials, with nearly 5,000 who cover every activity students can participate in, he’s concerned the toxic environment is driving people away from officiating. 

“It has gotten more challenging, those interactions between fans and officials,” he said. “And, unfortunately, sometimes they reach, you know, headline news.”

Problematic interactions between the public and officials range from an improper exchange with a spectator to parents who think their child is the next LeBron James and couldn’t possibly have committed that foul. And everything in between. 

“We do our best to try to train our officials not to interact,” he said. 

Poorly behaved spectators and parents, and officials who have had as much as they can take, have grown during the COVID-19 pandemic, he said, calling the “climate of animosity” an ongoing challenge that seems to grow every year. 

Whether poor behavior is related to society’s coarsening or parents’ feelings that their child is the most talented player on the field, the effect is the same.

“I believe you’re supposed to treat people with respect, no matter who it is. Unfortunately, I think we’ve lost that,” he said.

Gower said a new policy on reporting has shed light on why officials quit. In the past, officials would hold on to reports, submit them and then walk away. 

“The answer across the board was generally (they were) abused by spectators, abused by coaches, and sometimes abused by players,” he said. 

Now, he said, officials feel like “these offenders are going to be penalized, so I can try this again.”

Coaches have a special responsibility to keep the temperature down. Because they may be the only adult representative for their school district at an event, they sometimes must take control, even if it’s not the Xs and Os they signed up for. 

“How do we educate officials on practices for handling spectators? Which is, it falls on the coach, and if the coach cannot contain their spectators, they're the ones that get carded,” he said. 

Yet it can be hard for an official or coach to even determine who said what in a packed, loud stadium, field or court. 

“If a coach cannot identify a parent, I've found that a lot of them are willing to reach out to an entire parent group and say, ‘Hey, if this person isn't identified then no one gets to come to the next game,’” Stanolis said. “So if the guy sitting next to me is acting a fool, I'm going to be the first one to stand up and say, ‘Oh, it was this guy,’ because I don't want to miss my kid’s' next game.”

Stanolis noted the importance of transparent reporting and higher-up support to keeping youth sports officials on the field or court.

After all, they love youth sports just as much as spectators, coaches and parents. 

“The point is, it's opportunities for young people to get to play and participate in an activity that they enjoy, that they love. And too many times, it seems that adults, parents, spectators, those involved with it, do lose sight of that,” Gower said.

As for the furious, water-flinging mom, justice was served. She was slapped with a lifetime ban.