Breaking Up With Social Media

Story by Rylee Byers, Photo by Amy Martinez-Reynolds

As we have become increasingly immersed in the digital age, our discomfort with boredom has amplified. During any pause in activity, we instinctively seek entertainment and stimulation, making it difficult to simply be present with ourselves and others.

Most people likely would nod their heads in agreement.

A National Library of Medicine article stated that the constant exposure to social media has caused our standard of engagement to shift and increase, dulling previously interesting hobbies and activities.

“It’s the need of constant static,” said Emma Harrison, a high school sophomore who doesn’t use social media.

A 2023 Gallup poll found that teens average 4.8 hours a day on social media, with YouTube accounting for the largest share, followed closely by TikTok.

Harrison's decision to forgo social media is somewhat uncommon, but it may hold answers for those of us caught in the endless void of doomscrolling.

She explained that social media has conditioned people to seek continuous amusement, making even brief lulls in conversation feel intolerable.

Despite social media promising more accessible and fulfilling connections, many users find themselves utilizing it as a wall to hide from real-life interactions.

Rather than feeling more connected, we feel more isolated.

This detachment isn’t limited to social media alone — it extends to the way people engage with technology as a whole, including gaming and other online interactions that replace in-person bonds.

“I meet with kids sometimes who are big gamers, and they'll say, ‘I'm so social. I have lots of friends I game with online.’ And I would say, ‘That's great, but if you're ever in a bind, none of those people are ever going to come and help you. They're not really people you can lean on for support. They're just people who are kind of filling a gap for you socially,’” said Jenn Preston, a counselor with Epic Charter Schools.

“The world is more connected than we’ve ever been, with these smartphones in our pockets, but we are also disconnected in a way we’ve never been. There is less eye contact, less family dinners, less sharing real experiences for many families,” said Madison Vining, an Instagram content creator and blogger.

Vining lives much of her life online, so she understands the demands of her social media followers. But she also understands what is best for her children — and her own mental health.

Harrison said social media users often are more concerned about the lives of those they don’t know than those they do. “If you're following people that, like, you don't know personally, then it's just media,” she observed.

“Everything we do on social media or on the internet, it happens in our heads. It doesn't happen through discovery and experience. We grow and develop so much more when we’re actually living life and having experience,” said Val Harrison, the host of the Practically Speaking Mom podcast and blog.

According to Val Harrison, social media users give too much authority to the arbitrary world of social media. It causes us to become overly dependent on the thoughts of others and abandon our confidence in our self-principles, self-discipline and capability to reflect.

Those interviewed for this article encouraged social media users to discern the reason they initially joined social media or even just the reason they clicked on the app that day. Stay proactive with the original goal and intentional with the time spent on the apps. Are the ways you are utilizing the app adding value to your life, relationships, or dreams and pursuits? Is it motivating you or inducing self-deprecation? Self-evaluation is key.

“It starts with the parents. What are our habits? If we don't have self-discipline going on in that area, it is very hard to get our kids to be self-disciplined in that area, and it certainly would seem like a double standard,” Val Harrison said.

"As a parent, introducing your child’s first phone or allowing your child to join social media requires structure and stability in your place as a role model. They’ll be more likely to agree with restrictive terms if they see you hold that same standard of accountability for yourself. If your kids see you put down your phone when you’re in the same room as them or at least communicate why you need a few more minutes before engaging, they’ll mimic that same prioritization of people over phone when they get their own device," she said, adding: "We shape a framework for their mindset of how the internet is used and how phones are used."

“We're always teaching kids about goal-setting. We're always teaching kids about achievement. We're always teaching kids about time-management skills. We're always teaching them about internet safety and digital citizenship. And I think there is a place in all of those to talk about, like, what is healthy social media use?” Preston mused.

Vining and Preston agreed that in order for social media users to become aware of their dependence on the platforms and the impact they have, intentional breaks are required.

Not an hour. Not reducing screen time each day by a tad. No, something more dramatic is needed to get the full social media detox. Long resets, such as a full day, week or month contribute to feeling more refreshed and reflective, they said.

“Toxic trends, pressure, criticism, feeling left out, bullying, sexual influences and even just numbing out scrolling can be hard enough to navigate as an adult with a fully formed frontal lobe. I feel it is not something children should have to navigate, and statistics show it is damaging to kids’ mental health. As someone who sees the ins and outs of social media more than most, it is important to me as a mom to delay social media for my children until their brains are more developed and they’re able to set healthy boundaries for themselves,” Vining said.

Vining has developed strategies to maintain a healthy balance. She mindfully and intentionally posts her content, giving herself strict-but-reasonable parameters such as a one-hour posting window so the rest of her time can go toward more fulfilling activities. Having content prepared in advance and not posting in real time allows her to prioritize being fully present.

Vining described her children's experience with limited screen time, emphasizing vital strides in their creativity, social courtesy, observation, curiosity, camaraderie among siblings, and fulfillment and joy in the simple things. These aspects are more likely to occur when there is less opportunity for online stimulation.

Val Harrison continually evaluates her children’s well-being through four key aspects: spiritual, mental, physical and social. She approaches this with offensive and defensive mindsets — eliminating anything that may be harmful while intentionally replacing it with something enriching. At times, this includes managing their relationship with social media and technology.

She compared online safety measures to wearing a seatbelt in a car. Just as using a seatbelt isn’t a matter of lack of confidence in the driver, setting boundaries for her children isn’t a matter of distrust; rather, it reflects her awareness of the immense power of the digital world and her commitment to guiding them through it safely.

Preston recommended using analog tools whenever possible, such as a paper planner instead of a digital calendar, to reduce reliance on screens. She also suggested having a trusted person, like a parent or close friend, manage passwords as a way to encourage accountability.

With countless videos competing for attention, viewers should be mindful of their content consumption. Rather than passively accepting algorithm-driven recommendations, users can take an active role in selecting the information they engage with, aligning with social media’s original intent of providing accessible and timely information.

While features like endless scrolling encourage passive engagement, developing greater awareness can lead to more meaningful use.

And so whatever you see on there, it's like that's going to get inside your brain,” Emma Harrison said.

A common misconception is that people will experience feelings of exclusion without social media, but Vining challenged this. “I think the opposite is true. I think seeing what everyone is doing all the time is often what leads to feeling like we are constantly missing out on something. Being on social media less would force us to reach out to friends and truly find out how they’re doing, instead of seeing just a few seconds’ glimpse online. It could definitely lead to deeper relationships.”

Emma Harrison noted that social media often emphasizes first impressions — such as appearance or curated highlights — while the reality behind them is overlooked. This focus on surface-level aspects can prevent deeper, more meaningful connections from forming.

“They just go to that party for the post, you know, or, like, plan to hang out just to get good pictures, you know, and I don't want to be like that,” she said. “I want to be going for the people and going to grow my friendships and relationships with those people. And I'm not saying, like, nobody with social media can do that. I'm just saying I think it's harder for them. And so they approach it differently.”